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Bra Size Envy

I had a petite friend who wore a size 30B bra. She was truly a pleasure to look at. Perfectly proportioned. And tiny. Being around her made me feel vaguely like a linebacker. And I was attracted to her, but I didn't know if that was really okay or not. Did I want to look like her, or date her? Always a confusing question when it comes to same-sex attraction (also, she is straight. I am ASFAB -- assigned female at birth, with female sex organs -- and gender fluid at times but not always.... that's a whole other complicated story which you are welcome to ask me about but I won't get into it here).

So maybe this bra size envy, if others share it, is something we should talk about more. Reach out to your friends of every size and shape. Ask if they feel jealous of other women with bigger breasts (or smaller ones), or of very thin women whose figures, even when clearly unhealthy, are celebrated by the mainstream fashion industry. And you can answer this question for yourself too in the comments here if you'd like.

If I were to survey most of my female friends and family members about this, my guess is that they might have a passing thought like that but that it doesn't take up a lot of their brains. I am bisexual and somewhat gender-fluid, which in itself makes me awkwardly freak out a lot, especially around women who I find attractive. It's a feeling of being too different from them, and wary of getting hurt.

So that's what it's about for me. Being so uncertain of my gender identity and of my sexual orientation made me frequently irritable. I tended to set myself away from female friends. I ultimately realized that my sexual orientation is bisexual and there's nothing wrong with that. Gender identity is something that, as I said above, is complicated for me but over time I have gotten more comfortable with the various aspects of myself, and with sometimes being someone different.

I'd love to hear from all of you about that: do you experience any feelings of insecurity or envy of other women because of their size? And if so, where do think those feelings might be coming from for you? If we look carefully enough at ourselves, we can identify the source of toxic beliefs like this. Please feel free to share some of your own relevant life experiences.

Note: the cover photo for this post is from promotional copy for Amoena, a lovely company that makes pocketed bras for wearing with mastectomy forms or other inserts. They are a good option for trans women who have not had augmentation surgery, as well as for cis women who have had mastectomies. Shop for Amoena bras and breast forms here (associate link):


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